Love is Effort

It seems counterintuitive that the effort to get close repels a person away. Yet without that same effort they would never stay. It's easy to forget love isn't a one sided game. It's not a challenge to yourself to just be better. It's not a challenge to yourself to find the right answer. All of the onus doesn't fall on your feet, relationships are a two-way street.

There's always a danger in being the one that cares more. Can two people ever love each other in the same capacity and same amount at the same time or are we just operating in a system of imbalance? Is it like a tug of war, pulling back and forth, one side trying to gain the security of advantage? Or is it up and down, like a see-saw, teeter tottering, a constant change of positions? 

The fear is followed by pleasure and when you're up high it's fulfilling beyond measure. As the see-saw bounces, one person high, one person low, you start to realize that it'll probably never level out. See, to level out requires equal effort and harmonious balance. But that takes commitment, clarity, understanding, affection, and most of all attention. A constant give and take in an effort to achieve balance, constant calibration, and infinite patience. 

The most common outcome is a serious jolt, a shock to the system. As one decides to stay, and the other decides to step away, and just like that the imbalance returns, the system is back in disarray. The one on high on the see-saw ride comes crashing down, a collision with the cold hard ground, and they're confused, maybe even filled with resentment left alone, abandoned, and put in a precarious position.

No level of one sided effort could have kept the person there, better to let them go, but that doesn't take away the pain. Mixed with that despair are memories of moments. Moments that felt like walking on air, when the trust to be vulnerable was still there.

They say love starts at 0 and from there things are built. But the building starts before that so is love a reset, a new beginning, or the beginning of the end? Does that even matter? There's beauty in both beginnings and ends. That's what love is, the effort of facing the unknown and finding the light within. A new chapter of discovery, guided by light. Beauty and struggle binds us tight. Whether that person is yourself or another, it all seems so scary, but love starts with the courage and dedication to begin. Give an honest effort and even if it hurts when it ends, your world will be a bit brighter, making it easier to try again.